What scares you? What scares me? Really not much. My father once said I was not wise enough to be scared. But, frankly, I like the quote, “A coward dies a million deaths, a brave man only one.” I value the ability to trust in the goodness of others. My life experiences should have made me rethink this, but I have survived!
My first marriage to an older divorced newspaperman with a child should have scared me.
He was a heavy drinker, which I knew nothing about. He was from a broken family, which I knew nothing about. Also, an Irish Yankee from Boston, which I knew nothing about.
We married and moved immediately to New York City where he took a new job with a wire service in the NY Times building. I left everything I knew anything about, but off I went with no hesitation.
The newspaper crowd was quite different from my conservative Southern Baptist friends.
For months I felt dumb and uncomfortable with my slow Southern drawl, no questionable life experiences to brag about, but with a softer background and outlook. I couldn’t be a fast talker. I couldn’t be blasé and critical of everything. I couldn’t make sexy jokes. I couldn’t drink like a fish or enjoy spending three hours every evening in a bar.
But I wasn’t really scared … and I had an awakening. I could be a well-educated, stable, nice Southern young woman living in New York City in the mid-fifties. I could do a good job of that.
I got a great job in the personnel office of a big company on Madison Avenue and made friends. I was liked there and cared for, even in the big city and surrounded by some big talk! Now, years later, I look back on a happy time and a great growing experience.
Unfortunately, the New York City experience turned out better than the marriage. Maybe fear and caution would have been good things. But if I had been scared, I would have missed a big part of my life that I feel I was meant to have and made me who I turned out to be.
I went on to spend many happy years as a social worker on the back wards of the South Carolina State Hospital with no fear. Eventually, I married a man with six children and knew that that was the time to be scared! I only feared the oldest daughter, who held great influence over them all. Maybe she would not like me. But she was the happiest of all that her father had someone who made him happy.
Now my only job is to not let old age scare me. I guess all of this is to say, be careful of what you let scare you. I am grateful for my unwise lack of fear and the good, productive life I have had.
Jeanette Smith, a Blythewood resident, has been active in the community’s civic affairs for over 50 years.