Nobody wants to lose their mate. Well, almost nobody. However, widowhood can be okay, even good.
The saddest day of my life was when my husband died. Usually, the marriages that are the saddest to end are the long ones that began when the partners were still in or barely out of their teens.
Marriage to that partner is the only adult life they know. Short or long marriage, the death of a spouse is a very difficult time to live through.
That said, let’s look at the value of widowhood and being alone.
For women: you don’t have to cook anymore if you don’t want to. You can eat when and what you might like. A fried egg sandwich or peanut butter toast makes a great dinner, if you have it with a glass of wine. You can go to bed when you want to and get up at four in the middle of the night or at ten o’clock in the morning.
There’s no one to tell you how much you can spend on clothes, and no raised eyebrows if you lose your credit card.
Who is to question your bad habits? Who even knows about them now?
For men: No one has to agree on what you wear but you and the dog.
Steak whenever you want; no fruit salads to tolerate; and now you can find your cold beer easily because there’s hardly anything else in the refrigerator. And who cares if you leave the milk out overnight?
No one questions what you paid for the new gun you didn’t need, or why you need a new truck. One car to worry about instead of two. Four fewer tires.
This thought is a little sensitive, but some marriages are better dissolved either by divorce or death. Death is the easy way out of a bad marriage, but we don’t have to discuss it or admit that the insurance can be an added blessing.
But remember, you are not allowed to celebrate the death that ends a bad marriage or to find fault with the deceased. Just enjoy. The children know anyway!
Speaking of enjoying, the time may come when you want to date. Some widows and widowers never want another partner or even a close friend. That’s okay for them, but even in the happiest of marriages that closeness is over. You may want to look around, test the waters, go on a dating site. You never know what might happen. The bottom line is to stay active, make friends, and try something new.
Now is the time to be your whole independent self. Find the part of you that didn’t get a chance to grow when you were in a close partnership.
Deep down, the loss and sadness will always be there, but the years ahead can still be good years!
Jeanette Smith, a Blythewood resident, has been active in the community’s civic affairs for over 50 years.
